I feel you on this. Back when I used to smoke with my friends, this was always the case. So I preferred smoking alone. Which probably made me seem like a dick who was never willing to share his weed lol.
I used to be a pretty heavy smoker. Then one day out of the blue I had a pretty terrible panic attack. My fingers and toes got ice cold randomly. My wife, who was sober at the time, felt my fingers and confirmed that they were very cold and that it indeed wasn't just pot paranoia. The next day I started to get a fever and a really shitty cough so I quit.
It sucks, because I miss getting high and doing creative shit. I've been wanting to smoke again a lot lately, but It's not worth buying weed and smoking it just to have another experience like that again.
Anyone else ever feel like they were going to just straight up die after smoking some ganja?
hmmm nah that sounds weird man... I mean I've heard of friends having panic attacks and shit but nothing quite that extreme for me on weed alone. I had a pretty bad shroom trip once but I wasn't to familiar with drugs at that point in my life. I also had some synthetic weed once my friend was smoking, that was a bad move... not so much the moment but more the carry over effect, I just didn't feel right afterwards for a solid week or two, put me in a weird metal frame... Put me off smoking full stop for a while, actually.
I kind of quit intermittently at times and then just get a really small amount that will last me a few weeks (smoking one or two nights a week) but usually it's like 2 months off 1 month on for me. I have 0 addictive tendencies towards weed and I kind of like to use it as a reminder that there are deeper places in my brain and consciousness that i'm not taking advantage of, then once I've spent enough time there I like to see if I can get back into those states without the weed... Occasionally I do, mostly I don't haha. But yeah kind of a reset button for me of sorts.
I used to be bad with drugs, like freak out and shit. But after that bad mushroom trip I did a lot of research (inward and outward) and found out if I go in to the experience (any experience actually) knowing i'm fully in control at all times and that I can choose to accept or reject emotions and actions I'm fine. On some zen type shit It's kind of like a river or a stream of thoughts and feelings. None of them are actually you, they're kind of just fighting for your attention. You can either sit and watch them go by, grab them and get carried along with them or try to fight even having thought them in the first place which would be swimming against the stream. I've come to realise there is no such thing as "bad" or "wrong" thoughts because a thought doesn't actually exist. It only exists if you give it credibility and some form of action.
Now sometimes in life in general when I feel some shit arising, whether it's anger or anxiety or jealously etc I'll actually just sit with the thought or feeling for a minute, then usually I laugh at myself for even having entertained the emotion or feeling in the first instance. Shit may be getting wayyy to deep here but hey, whatever the fuck ever. Basically emotions and feelings lose all credibility when you stop associating action words with them like 'this is anger' or 'this is stress'... nah cuz, it just is what it is...