the real place is a shit hole lol, i don't know how it's still even a business. imagine going into a dilapidated pink castle with a drained fountain outside and a dollar mart right next to it. then you go in and navigate the labyrinth of corrugated steel and...ceramic infrastructure to pay like $15 per plate of either choice A or B, plus another $10-15 for tokens at the arcade and whatever. then you go down this weird snaky line thing and get led up to a haphazardly cleaned booth with tears in it from knives and gang insignia scratched on the table as your waiter just kinda leaves for twenty minutes...then you raise the little flag thing when you want sopapillas or the check, but it's hard to talk because in the background there's some asshole in a pirate costume doing some terrible acting for the kids until the good guy pirate makes him fall down the waterfall into the pool a floor below.
then after your delicious meal, you head to Black Bart's cave and plug your ears because the shitty parents going in before you let their kids and all their friends scream at the top of their lungs obnoxiously throughout the entire attraction, which for some reason ends going inside a staircase decorated to look like a happy dragon's mouth...then it's off to the piñata, where more young children scrounge the dirty floors for unwrapped candy cause no one really cares anymore.
oh, and if you're fun meter is still on "wowzers" mode you can go up the other other stairs to the arcade, and play a half-broken Galaga game, some mostly broken ski-ball games, or even some fancy racing games from 1997...that is, unless one of the kids in there shits his pants and the smell prompts everyone to leave for a while. there's also this looped video clip at the bottom of a well near the dining area of this green guy that looks like Jambi, and he used to scare the shit out of me as a little kid...and yeah, that's pretty much it. then you leave and hit up the medical marijuana dispensary right across the street to alleviate the stress of realizing you wasted fifty bucks on a business that clearly has given up and is just waiting to be demolished for a Wal-Mart to take its place or something. it's a fun day, i recommend it to everyone. they'll even take your picture without asking on their cell phones and post it to Facebook under their "happy customers" album until you make them take it down, it's a great time.